Posted by: S. N. Harrell | July 31, 2011

Untilted (Rhyme Royal)

He speaks to me within my restlessness
Gently touch my body and love my brain
Altering who I am for his caress
Succumb to him, ravishing, near insane
Living deep in his love; wrapped in our pain
Never to escape the love-pain-love of it
Wanting more; begging; pleading to submit.

Note: I saw the challenge of Dverse Poetry to write a rhyme royal poem. Initially, I wasn’t going to do it since I saw the post a day late. But, I changed my mind. I hope this fits within the measure, rhyme scheme etc. necessary to be a true rime royal.

Enjoy!

Sheera

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Responses

  1. Hi there~ restless love it is then ~ thanks

    You can send this to Gay, who hosted the form last Thursday for her review.

    As to your comment on my rhyme royal post, the original version (broken up in meter) under Gay’s notes is it.

    • Hello Heaven, thanks for the comment and suggestion.

  2. Hi,
    I got your note, and found your blog!

    Rime Royal –
    Sounds easy, but for some reason just about everyone including me had trouble with it. I think we all wanted to start with an accented syllable on some of our lines. Three of mine did and I worked for a long while to sort out the unstressed starts.

    On yours – the sentiment is passion, the pain and glory of it which you express well. Your rhyme scheme is perfect, and all lines have ten syllables, but the line that begins “Never to escape…” which has eleven syllables. But here’s the rub, it’s not a count of ten syllables kind of poem. The next one might be, but this one calls for iambs.

    That means it’s unstressed followed by stressed.

    Your first line works and is perfect iambic pentameter
    He speaks| to me| within| my rest| less ness|

    (I will write like this so you can see the stress)
    He SPEAKS |to ME| with IN| my REST| less NESS|

    but then things get a bit difficult – I scan like this
    GENT ly| TOUCH my| BOD y| and LOVE| my BRAIN|
    (three trochees followed by two iambs)
    ALT er| ing WHO| i AM| for HIS| ca RESS|
    (one trochee followed by four iambs)
    suc CUMB| to HIM| RAV ish ing |near in SANE|
    (two iambs, a dactyl, and an anapest – so this line is not pentameter
    as are the others; but is, in fact tetrameter with two feet of two-syllable
    feet and two feet of three-syllable feet)
    LIV ing |DEEP in| his LOVE| WRAPPED in| our PAIN|
    (two trochees, one iamb, another trochee, another iamb)
    NEV er| to es CAPE| the LOVE| PAIN LOVE| of IT|
    (iamb followed by an anapest then another iamb, then a SPONDEE, and
    then a final iamb)
    WANT ing more| BEG ging | PLEAD ing| to sub MIT|
    a dactyl, then two trochees and an anapest

    So I’m afraid if you want to get it into iambic pentameter, it’s going to take
    some more fiddling – just as mine did. I think I finally ironed mine out. It meant giving up two of my favorite lines and changing a third. That is, I’m afraid, poetry for you.

    Thanks so much though for reading, writing, linking and learning FormForAll.
    Gay

    *SPONDEE – a foot of two syllables both of which are stressed.


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